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Kissing 101, The Why And How

Men and women require relationships; relationships require intimacy; and intimacy requires kissing. Kissing is one of the easiest and most effective ways to let someone know that you care about them and are thinking of them. It's a form of closeness that transcends sex, and is the cement of a good relationship. Physical intimacy does not always mean sex. You can be intimate without "going all the way" through kissing and hugging, and most couples, especially those who have been together a long time, don't do enough of it.

Women use kissing and hugging as a part of foreplay, while men tend to prefer visual foreplay and stimulation. That is not to say that men don't like to kiss, they do. This is one of the reasons that men will be the first ones to ask to have the lights on during sex. They are simply more visual, while women tend to be more tactile, or touchy. Kissing is a way of connecting to both.

A big mistake that men typically make is to only use kissing as a precursor to sex. Women don't always want to have sex as the end result of cuddling and kissing - and they often complain about feeling used as a result of an evening of hugging and kissing which feels like it needs to lead to sex in order for the women to feel loved. This is a huge mistake, guys. If you want kissing to lead to sex, you'd better learn to hug and kiss for no reason other than that the lone act feels good. If she feels appreciated, she will respond to the foreplay kissing much better and more often than if she thinks you're just kissing her to eventually "get some."

So now that you know the why of kissing, let's get on to the how of it. There are some very important tips for learning to kiss like a pro that will help you kiss so well that they will keep coming back for more.

Got a mint?

The number one turn off during a kiss is bad breath. If you are on a date and go out to eat, be sure you have some mints or gum, and put it in your mouth soon after you finish eating, but spit it out or swallow it well before the kiss. (We recommend mints; spitting out gum right before a kiss is a little juvenile.) In fact, tasting of mint isn't that great, so try to make sure you do the freshening up a little while BEFORE you plan to kiss.

You don't want to have anything in your mouth during that all important first kiss of the evening, and if you're not sure, refrain from eating garlic, onions, etc. during dinner. Brush your teeth and tongue before leaving the house, and even better, excuse yourself after dinner to go brush your teeth in the restroom. There are tiny travel toothbrushes that are great for this purpose.

Wet your whistle

Your lips need to be moist during the kiss, but not wet, slobbery, or sticky. Ladies, lip-gloss may look good when it's on, but virtually all guys would rather kiss dry lips than gooey, sticky lip-gloss. It's true, despite all of the marketing ploys to the contrary by cosmetics companies, guys do not like lip-gloss or heavy lipstick. Wetting your lips quickly and slightly before kissing will make it easier to slide into another position, but don't make a comically big deal out of it.

And speaking of positions

Here's the big secret of the first kiss.

  • When you move together for that awkward first time, pause just for a split second to see if they've already chosen which way they will tilt their head, and adjust accordingly. If you're sitting, lean in. If you're standing, stand close.
  • Losing your balance during the kiss will be as awkward as tilting your heads the same way for a full minute before connecting.
  • Close your eyes. Kissing with your eyes open is for couples who have been together a million years or started out that way. For the rest of us, it's just creepy.
  • Don't hold your breath and breathe through your nose.
  • Place your lips over theirs and either press or run your lips--not your entire, open, slobbering mouth--over theirs in a circular motion.
  • If they give you a closed lipped kiss, they are telling you to keep your distance, might as well have been a smack on the cheek.

The French Kiss

The ultimate first base kiss is the French kiss.

  • Follow all the above directions but while you're pressing your lips to theirs or running your lips against theirs, slightly open your mouth and draw your tongue across their teeth.
  • We cannot stress this enough. Do not shove your tongue down their throat. Across the top of the teeth is a great start, and if they're into it they will reciprocate by drawing their tongue across yours.
  • When its time to go deeper, lick their tongue with yours. This is the secret to French kissing; it's about exploring each other, not getting to second base, so take your time and thoroughly enjoy the moment with tiny licks that are light and sensual.
  • This should naturally move you onto sucking their tongue, and this is where it can get really hot. It is usually at this point where the guy starts to get an erection or the girl starts to get wet.
  • Know this and have a plan! Avoid embarrassment if you're out in public by keeping it light until you get somewhere a little more private. That is unless, of course, you're both into public stuff like that.

Kissing Trivia

Yes, the French were the first to use kissing on the lips as a sign that the union was made during weddings. The Romans and many centuries of cultures that followed used kissing as a sign of respect; it was customary for men and women to kiss each other on each cheek as a sign of welcome. A sign of respect was, and is, to kiss the ring of religious leaders, and of course, mob bosses.

Recommended Reading:

Kissing 101: Your Essential Guide to Kissing Tips & Techniques

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