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For Women: How to Get Your First Real Orgasm

If you are a woman who is not sure that she has ever had a real orgasm or who can't seem to have them very often, then be assured that you are not alone. Many women can only have an orgasm when they masturbate and have never had one with a partner. Or maybe you have had one with a partner, but it was only once or twice and you are both incredibly frustrated by it not happening every time that you have sex. There is no reason to feel bad about your current inability to orgasm regularly because the good news is that you can learn how to enjoy a wonderful orgasm by yourself or with a partner every time you engage in sexual activity.

The first thing to understand is that there are two basic ways that you can have an orgasm; either by stimulating your clitoris or by stimulating your G-spot. The clitoris is located inside your inner vaginal lips at the top of the vagina. It is under a small 'hood' of skin that will pull back when you are aroused and the clitoris swells with the increased blood supply. To locate it, slide your hand down your abdomen and into your pubic area. Press down on the soft flesh right above where your vaginal 'lips' begin. This is the mons area, and by pressing on it you are indirectly stimulating the clitoris. Now slide your finger between this uppermost part of your vaginal lips and you will feel a small 'bump' or 'knot' that is incredibly sensitive to your touch. This is your clitoris.

The G spot or Grafenberg Area is located inside your vaginal opening. It is a highly sensitive bundle of nerves that feels 'rougher' than the rest of your vaginal walls. To locate it, lie on your back and insert your longest finger (making sure it's well lubricated if you are not) into your vagina. Use the pad of your finger to slide along the upper wall of the vagina about 1 and 1/2 inches until you locate the rougher, wrinkly feeling area that is your G spot.

There are a number of ways to stimulate these areas in order to reach orgasm, and your job is to find out what kinds of stimulation give you the best orgasms. Yes, this means masturbation. If you don't know what will get you off, how will you ever tell your partner? You might be lucky enough that he knows more about your body than you do, but you should be prepared to help him out if you want to have a satisfying experience every time. Since the clitoris is easier to locate and manipulate, start there. Lie in a comfortable position on your back and locate your clitoris. Try rubbing outside and directly above the clitoris to stimulate the clitoral nerve. Often you can come to an orgasm this way as well as by direct clitoral stimulation. Vary the motions you use until you find one that works for you. You might try using two fingers, one on the clit directly and one above it.

As for the G-Spot, locate it with a well lubricated finger and vary your motions from small circles to rubbing in and out slowly over the area. Vary your speed and the number of fingers to see what feels the best. You could also use a vibrator in order to hit your G-spot. Look for one that has a slightly hooked tip so that you can angle it to the sweet spot as you experiment with the different speeds and sensations you can experience with a good vibrator.

You'll find that a G-spot orgasm feels differently from a clitoral one. It is often stronger and just feels 'deeper.' But either kind will certainly be a wonderful experience. So how do you go from getting yourself off to getting your partner to get you off? Once you've learned your own body and what you like, you could masturbate as he watches. Or, get him to put his hand over yours as you move your fingers so that he learns what you are doing. Once he sees the motion with your fingers, he should be able to replicate it with his tongue and mouth by oral sex. In fact, this is often the easiest way for a woman to come to an orgasm because a man can not only use his mouth and tongue but his hands as well. Ask him to lick and suck on your clit and the surrounding area while he slides one or more fingers into your vagina and rubs your G-spot. He should vary the speed and intensity of each motion until he brings you to orgasm. Be sure that you tell him when he's doing the right things - it is incredibly frustrating to be about to cum and then have him change up his methods when you were just about there. So learn to be vocal and ask for what you want.

As for intercourse and stimulating the G-Spot, it is possible to do so. Many women find that it is easiest to get a G-Spot orgasm if they are in a position where they are on top. That way they control the speed, direction and intensity of the stroking of the penis in and out of their vagina. If you get on top, try leaning backwards on your hands to push the head of the penis harder against the front wall, where the G-Spot is. Or, try a style that allows your partner to 'reach around' and play with your clitoris while he penetrates you. Doggie style and spooning are two good positions to try.

Above all, be patient with the process. It may take awhile for you and your partner to get into a sync where he is able to bring you to climax every time. But if you learn your body and what turns you on, you are certainly more likely to be able to reproduce those feelings with your partner.

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