Talking Dirty During Sex
How And Why Your Lover's Voice Turns You On
The secret to good sex is using all five of the senses. While a big part of sex is touch, taste, smell, and looking at each other's bodies, all too often we forget that sound can make sex go from really good to outright orgasmic, probably due to an old taboo about talking during sex. Most people new to the sexual experience feel self-conscious about any kind of noise during sex, just like they do about having the lights on. This goes back to the Victorian Era, which would have us believe that sex was dirty, bad, wrong, and good girls don't enjoy it, they just put up with it. Can you believe that people still feel that way?
What you should (and shouldn't) say during sex:
So I challenge you to experiment with using the sense of hearing and sound during sex.
- First, it's important to get the right sense of how far your lover is willing to go in the talking dirty department.
- Clichés are out and a huge turn off because they don't sound sincere, so be yourself and say what you feel, what you want to do to her, or what you'd like from her.
- Most of all let her/him know when it feels good, and if you're a guy reading this, refrain from talking about her body. Most women are so self-conscious that a comment on how good she looks could result in her needing even more validation, and that's not what you are trying to achieve. One wrong word and the evening could end up being a discussion about your relationship rather than hot sex.. If your girl is self-conscious about her body during the dressed hours, she's probably really self-conscious when she's nude, so think before you speak.
- Be honest and let go of your inhibitions, but do it with tact, they'll appreciate it and you might find that you've hit a sexual arousal spot that they didn't even know about!
We're talking about exciting, hot, sweet sticky sexual arousal words. It's about fantasy and wild sex and is on a different emotional level than sharing intimate thoughts and feelings. Do that in the morning. This is your chance to tell him or her exactly what you want them to do to you in bed without sounding pushy or controlling, and if you say the right stuff, you'll probably get what you want.
Still not sure what to say? Be brave
If you still feel a little self-conscious but want to give it a try, there are some steps you can take to ease yourself into being comfortable with talking dirty in bed.
You can start by stealing words from other people. Read some erotica out loud to each other, it will get the taste in your mouth and there are some pretty racy stories out there. This is a great time to watch for reactions from your lover. Do they cringe or hesitate while reading? Do they tense up during certain acts read out loud? Watch for body language and your half way there. Here's a hint, choose a book of short erotica and thumb through before bedtime to find a story that is close to your own fantasies. This way you kill two birds with one stone by opening your lover up to new ideas for the physical act as well as getting them used to hearing sex talk out loud.
Remember what we said about wanting to hear your lover's voice on the phone? Take it a step further and call them at work with a dirty little secret plan for the evening! Both men and women like to get short calls from their lovers while they are at work; it helps pass the day and reminds them that you are thinking about them, and it's just a nice thing to do for someone that really turns you on. In fact, a simple plan is to call and just say that. 'I was sitting here and thinking about how hot you make me and I just wanted to hear your voice for a minute" is a jackpot way to get them in the mood for when they get home, and will probably turn their boring workday around.
Take it easy, though. Make absolutely sure that you've got the right person on the phone before you start telling them how you want to suck on them - your lover's boss may not be as accommodating, and the secretary probably gets three or four of these calls every day. Call at an appropriate time. If you've ever called to remind them to pick up something for dinner, then you know in your heart when it's the best time to call. Make sure there is no background music that you would have on during the actual sex act! If they can hear the news in the background, that's depressing. If they hear Barry White...
Men's bodies, women's bodies
Men like to hear how their body looks to you when you're making love. Men love to hear how they taste and smell, and it doesn't take much other than the sound of your voice to get them hard and hot. Women are an entirely different matter. If she's like most women, she doesn't want to hear about her perky breasts; she won't believe you. She doesn't want to hear about her thighs, you're lying. Women, tell guys about their bodies, men, tell women how good they smell. Tell her what you're going to do with her body, not how it looks while you're doing it. "I'm going to nibble on your nipples" sounds much better to them than "I love nibbling on your nipples." Don't ask me why, I'm just reporting the facts. Remember to watch for body language that indicates uneasiness, and slow down or back off if needed. With a little practice--and who's not willing to practice here--you can make each other feels so good and it can carry over into your everyday conversations, drawing you closer and making for a healthier relationship.
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